Friday, December 9, 2011

The Contemporary Dating Game

If you are a Man, born after 1970, and have had even minor success dating women, I want you to reach your hand up over your head, and give yourself a pat on the back.  From a male perspective, the dating game of today, is the hardest it has been since the dawn of humanity.  There has never been a harder time in history to attain, and keep a mate.

Think about it for a second.  It wasn't until about 150 years ago a women voicing for equality, even began to be heard.   Before that, as unfair as it was, Women were essentially the property of the man who provided for them.  For the most part their needs were basic.  They needed protection, food, shelter, and probably in 4th place, love
Photo by DigitalArt

Woman were used to being provided for, and Men were used to doing the providing.  Fast forward to today, and things have completely changed, and for the better I might add.  These changes however, have not made the dating game easier for Men, but harder by an order of magnitude.

A whole new host of outside factors have been added to a Women quest for a mate, but those factors I'll call mental factors.  These are factors that through the social changes of society, woman have added to their list of things they want in a mate. 

These mental factors, are decided, not innate.  Shelter, protection, love etc, those are things women need innately. Things like prestige, money, job quality, appearance, are now being factored in a woman's decision when choosing a mate.  To me these new external factors, are ruining a Woman's ability to choose the right mate for them.

The right mate, is always the one that makes you the most happy day in and day out.  They give you love without holding back.  They listen.  They are strong when you need them to be.  They cheer you up when you are down.  You can trust, and rely on them.  You are enamored with them.

Those are the traits that all Women want in a Man, whether they know it or not.  Not only that, if a woman chooses their mate based on mental factors, rather than their innate ones, the relationship will fail eventually, guaranteed.  The very act of choosing your partner based on these mental factors, rather than what you feel innately is what I call, "building a house on sand".  I've seen many of these relationships in my life, many of them appear to be successful, but they were born by a either party selecting their mate by their own criteria, rather than allowing thousands of years of history to guide them.

I've seen these types of relationships a thousand times in my life.  An example would be the overly attractive female, with the pushover boyfriend.  He chose her because she was gorgeous, and he wanted prestige.  She chose him because he had money, or a car, or she could control him.  Clearly a relationship that should've been aborted right from the get go.  Humans are amazing at fooling themselves though, as well as staying with the status quo.  People try to turn these types of arrangments, into relationships, with devastating consequences.

Photo by DigitalArt
The house these people build, can be beautiful.  Their two wonderful children can be the windows.  Their matching Mercedes' can be the doors.  Their successful business can be the beautful landscaping.  The whole house they are constructing however, is built on sand.  Their relationship was born for the wrong reasons, meaning nothing they accomplish, or do, going forward will matter.  The very foundation the relationship was built on in the first place, is rotten, and no amount of renovating will fix that.

In my single days, I would read many online profiles.  Many would want specific things, like tall, attractive, non-smoker, good job, no drugs, must love dogs etc.  I always kind of chuckle to myself when I read these criteria, knowing that if any of these women met a short, broke, ugly, smoker, who hated animals, and he actually knew how to take care of a Woman, they would fall head over heels for him, and throw all those bullshit mental factors, right out the window.

Women all want the same thing, though with all the terrible decision making, it's really hard to tell.  Women want to be in love.  Not the bogus love, born out of circumstance, and mental factors, the real, "fuck me right now before I explode" type love.  This type of love can be given by anyone, to anyone, who has a clear, clean perspective, good morals, and an understanding of what it takes to please the other person.  It does not take into account, appearance, money, status etc. 

You are allowed to be confused in this dating game.  You'll find two types of Women out there these days.  Women who are completely in touch with what their real needs are, and know what kind of a man that can provide it, and others who are misguided, selecting mates based on mental factors, which really have no bearing on what's important to their overall happiness.  The simple female needs, are being drowned out, by these mental factors, and it's confusing the game for everyone.

Make sure you don't build your house on sand.


  1. It's always better to build sand castles on the beach with friends than one on your own. Life is a learning experience and yes we're all still learning.

    P.S. I found your blog's ad on Craigslist.

  2. I loved the article, Bangin.
    You have an amazing perspective on the subject and you are correct - being treated right (meaning with respect) in love etc trumps it all!

    I am proud to say I now belong to "Camp 1" - Woman who know what they want in life and love.
    Even those of us who know what we want can still be complex (surprise, surprise) I do feel for men navigating out there. It's not easy.

    The right guy will know which type of "love" fits the moment...based on observation, cues, experience, intution..and if he does crack that code...he will be a very happy guy in the morning (and maybe even for life?)

  3. With the growing number of career women all over, their criteria for an ideal mate gets more complicated. Prince Charming should be like this, should be like that, earns more than I do, etc. Sometimes Mr. right passes by unnoticed because some women are too busy whining about why there are no good men anymore.

  4. You're so true. Many women nowadays are so materialistic.
    And because of that they met those easy-so-lucky and can-buy-your-everything man.
    They don't notice those one-woman-man that can give sincere and pure love.
    It's very ironic, isn't it?