Let's Make This A Threesome

Every relationship you've ever had, has been a threesome.  You may have never noticed, but there are three parties in every relationship.  There's you, and what you need.  There's them, and what they need.  Then there's the relationship, which has it's very own needs. 

You must take care of all three parties for your relationship to flourish, and failing relationships always included one of three parties being neglected, or neglectful.  Let me show you why this must be true. 

We'll call a man or woman who's has too much self interest, a "Hawk".  Hawks are mainly concerned with how their relationship, helps themselves.  They always come first in their relationship.  Hawks certainly don't have confidence problems, but sometimes it leans more towards arogance.  They aren't at the mercy of their relationship, and can rebound easily from a breakup, but also can never truly give themselves to their partner.  Hawks can easily miss their perfect lover for many reasons.

A Slug is the opposite of a Hawk.  They are loyal to a fault.  They enter a relationship as themselves, only to transform into playdough once it's starts.  You can mold them into anything you want.  All a Slug wants, is to become exactly what you want them to be.  They are willing to sacrifice their own personal advancement, for the other person involved, and the relationship itself.  It can take a Slug a long time to recover from a realtionship, because they were "only trying to be everything" for the other person.  How could that person not want them?   Confidence, and personal improvement, are very attractive qualities to all people, but Slugs have none to offer. They mean well, but in the end, nobody wants a slug, because they have no backbone.

If it was just as simple as having two, healthy, happy, intelligent people, relationships would be much easier.  The third party, the relationship, has expectations also.  We'll call the relationship, The Judge.

The Judge has needs.  Judge's hate to be ignored, and expect time to be expended on them.  Judge's are going to progress forward, whether you like it or not.  They assume you will communicate in order to keep up with the brisk pace they set. Judges don't care if you can't keep up however, and will leave you in the dust.  When The Judge's needs are being met, they will remain almost invisable.  It's only when the Judge feels they are being ignored, do they come to the forefront, and make themselves a focus. 

You need to take traits from both Hawks and Slugs, and learn from both of them.  Like a Hawk, put yourself first in the relationship.  This just means, making sure you are currently happy, and exploring needs that stimulate you.  Make sure you are always advancing personally in your own life.  This will give you a natural, sexy confidence, and allow to move on easier, if the relationship were to end.

Give yourself fully to the other person, like a Slug would.  You can still advance your own life, and be there for the other person, but you just can't be there all the time, every time.  It's okay to be reliable, or think your significant other walks on water, but you need to stay balanced.  Give everything you can to them, but not an ounce more. 

Always keep The Judge in the back of your mind.  If you are doing great, and your partner is too, that doesn't mean the Judge's needs are being met.  That's why you can find yourself advancing, your partner advancing, but the relationship fails.  Like I said above The Judge expects you to expend time on them, and keep up to the pace they set. The Judge will forceably move your relationship forward, whether you like it, or not. 

Relationships are very difficult.  One person being too self-centered, and it fails.  One person being too submissive, and it fails.  One person not understanding that relationships have needs, and it fails. 

Taking care of yourself first is always the first step to a healthy relationship.  This will ensure you are at your best for your partner.  You can look back on a failed relationship, and truly feel confident, you did as much as you could have, rather than looking back with regret.  It's perfectly okay to say,  "I love my partner, but if they were to leave me, I'd be just fine."  This changes you from "needing" the relationship, to "wanting" it.

I want me, and my partner, to be negotiating our relationship from this position of power.  I want both of us, to be fine without the other.  I expect us both to be constantly growing, and changing, to keep ahead of the inertia every relationship has.

Most heartbreak is magnified by people not progressing themselves.   Regardless, it hurts to lose someone you love.  It hurts much less however, and for less time, when you are growing, and living the best you can. 

Are you, your partner, and your relationship growing together?

The Power of Positive Thinking

I read a book by Norman Vincent Peale about ten years ago called "The Power of Positive Thinking".  It was written around 1960, by a minister, and it's worth a read.  He's obviously a little more, (cough..  cough) biblical, than I am, but the general message of that book is, if you believe it can happen, and stay focused on an end goal, that it will happen, and in miraculous fashion.

This idea is aligned with many religions, as well as many other positive type thinkers.  Religion calls it "Faith", but I think faith, and positive thinking, have much more similarities, than differences.

The real question is does positive thinking actually work?  Which leads to an even bigger question, which will discuss later in this blog.  Those who are regular readers are aware that I'm skeptical about everything. I need concrete proof to declare something valid.  I have no concrete proof to offer in terms of positive thinking, but let me tell you something.  I believe in it.

People that know me, might not consciously recognize it, but one of my greatest qualities is my attention. Have you ever heard anyone brag about their attention?  "Well, I... just... did." (Quote by C. Prest)  My Dad, is a great guy, and a very smart man.  He enjoyed talking, a lot, so I learned quickly to keep my ears open always.  As long as you haven't lost my respect, when you are speaking, I am listening, remembering, analyzing, and this goes for everybody in my life, in all stages of my life.

All my analyzing and listening have added up to me coming to the conclusion, that there is power in positive thinking.  In every successful, genuine person, I've heard speak, they credit their success to the very same things.  The combination of a clear vision, the belief you can accomplish your goal, verbal reinforcement, tied with hard work, it all seems to have magic.

I've seen it in my own life, many, many times.  When I'm thinking clearly and positively, living morally (I use this term loosely), things seem to come easily.  Conversely, when my mind is not right, maybe I've been drinking too much, or not exercising enough, procrastinating in life, I find bad luck finds me easier.  I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, you tell me.

On the other side, negative reinforcement sealed the deal, for me in terms of being a believer in the power of negative thinking.  You meet people in this world all the time, who are negative thinkers.  It's disease that can be cured, but a disease it is until then.  Negative thinking can, and will kill you.  As much as I've seen positive thinking propel people to new heights, I've seen negative thinking destroy people from the inside out.  It's almost miraculous, that the same person, with the same bad attitude, can have the same stories, about all their tribulations, and it's all true.  They aren't making this stuff up, they have bad luck, or so they believe.  What they have is a bad mind.

The only major elephant in the room of course is this, can our thoughts actually have an impact on the future? For this to be true, the thinking itself would have to do the manipulating, or a higher power would have to assist with the connecting of thought, to outcome.  I'll let you decide.  Either way, you'd have to believe in something you can't see, and really can't explain.  I wouldn't believe this to be possible if it weren't for the hundred of signs in my own life, as well as others lives, to support what I have been seeing for all my days on this planet.

This kind of thinking actually throws the whole fate, or freewill argument, on its head.  If our minds can manipulate the future, then fate is essentially gone, as your destiny is only what you make of it. Freewill, is the idea the future is not predetermined, but that doesn't factor that you can impact the future with your mind.  Could it be that the answer is a combination of both fate, and freewill?  Freewill to decide your outcome, but fated by your thoughts and actions?

Give people an option between two possible outcomes, and more often then not, they will pick one.  Could it be that the fate or freewill argument, has blocked out some other possible outcomes?

Let me remind you that right now, we are currently spinning on a huge ball of mass, that is floating in middle of space.  You are made of billions of atoms, and the way you have formulated, has give you has a collective conscience.  I'm uploading my text, to your computer, which has a microchip processing information.  Does any of this make any sense at all?

So I free myself to imagine a way where both fate and freewill can be the answer.  It's possible that you have the power to change everything about your life, just by keeping a clear imagine of where you want your life to head.  Of course, none of this makes sense, but I implore you to try it.  You might start noticing weird things happening, and sometimes the changes won't be dead pan obvious, until later on.  Pay attention.

Wouldn't it be amazing if all of us, had the ability to be whatever we wanted, as long as we could picture, and believe in it?  It sounds to good to be true.  But then again, so is this wonderful existence.  "Anything is possible" (Quote by VSP), there really are no rules, because as we mentioned in "We are All-Stars", nobody has a clue.

Do you believe your thoughts today, have an impact on your future tomorrow, or is it all a bunch of baloney?