From Out Of Nowhere

Sometimes, while you are frantically typing, dumping your personal thoughts all over the page, you come up with an idea, or quote that is more profound then you expected.  It sort of flows out of you, and then you pause, evaluate it, and end up liking it even more.

I've been having a very good time writing blogs over the past months.  Here are some of my favorite quotes from the 2011 material.  We'll check in at the end of next year, to see how far we've come.  All the quotes below are JBangin' originals.  Hopefully 2012 will hold even deeper insights.

Photo By Kyle McCulloch

November 25, 2011 "Are You A Believer?"

"Naturally I judge people like all humans do, but I question where those pre-concieved notions come from, and adjust my thinking accordingly."

December 9th, 2011 "The Contemporary Dating Game"

"Women all want the same thing, though with all the terrible decision making, it's really hard to tell.  Women want to be in love.  Not the bogus love, born out of circumstance, and mental factors, the real, "fuck me right now before I explode" type love."

Dec. 13th, 2011 "We Are All Stars"

"The unknown creates our daily excitement, and the multitude of answers to these fundamental questions, create unique people, with unique perspectives."

"You don't see monkeys, and dolphins, building satellites, and spaceships."

Dec. 30th, 2011 "The Race Disgrace"

"Everything you do, everything you think, has consequences.  Consequences that quite possibly could echo through time, long after you are gone."

Please take time to browse my older posts if you haven't already.  All your reading, and sharing is really starting to help getting this blog noticed.  How can you help us grow in 2012?  First of all keep reading.  Second, share any post you like with your friends, via email, Facebook, or Twitter.  Third, if you do buy products on Amazon, do so through the links provided on this Website.  Purchasing directly benefits the Author, and encourages him to keep the content coming for you all.

I plan to take this blog to the next level in 2012.  Any comments, suggestions or critiques, are always welcome.  Also if there's another quote of mine you enjoy, please leave it in the comments section below.  Thanks for taking the time to read, I really appreciate it.

Visionaries Vanish

Standing up for what you believe in, could cost you your life.  It's a sad, and scary statement; history proves it true.  Many great thinkers, leave this planet far too quickly.  Visionaries like JFK, Martin Luther King, John Lennon, to name a very small few.  100's of political leaders around the world.  You speak your mind, and start moving masses, you better watch your back.

We cannot afford to lose our greatest talents.  Life is a battle between good and evil after all, and in the war, these are our strongest Generals.  These freethinkers not only have incredible insight, they weren't afraid to voice it.  It's everybody's job to protect them.  At least if you're fighting for the good team.

Photo from Kel Trustnoone

The first step, is at least acknowledging the fact, that if your ideas are intelligent, radical, and you have influence, you will be targeted.  Who is doing the targeting?  People who fear change.

The change they fear, could cost them power, money, or a change in lifestyle.  It could cost them a lot of things.  Always keep in mind though, that what these people want, is to be selfish.  They are willing to sacrifice the greater good of humanity, in favour of bettering themselves.  Over the years, Visionaries have succumb to psychos, religious zealots, hired guns, and political agendas.  Whether they knew it or not, they were all fighting for the "dark side".

Visionaries have traits that can't be denied.  They're honest.  You can see it in their expressions, and hear it in their voice tone.  When they speak, you're compelled to listen.  They inspire you.  When you combine all this, you realize, for the most part their thinking is correct.  They have a vision with pure intent, it's sole purpose to better humanity.   It's rare that we get to really talk about what's important to us.  These leaders could stand up on a stage, and change people's minds.  Power is okay, as long as your message is sincere, and your actions are true.

Photo from SodaHead

People minds are incredibly hard to change in one regard, and very easy in the other.  All of us normal folk, want a better life for all of us.  We realize that we are lucky to even have what we do.  That doesn't mean however, we forget our quality of life could be much better, by an order of magnitude.  We have vision of a greater tomorrow.  I see a world where we can use as much power as we want, without the environmental repurcussions.  Where nearly everyone is happy, and non-judgemental, and is free to live the way they want.  That's what I'm working towards.  What about you?

Many of these Visionaries changed the course of humanity, and did so for the better.  They influenced not only the generations on this planet, but all the future ones to come.  You can change humanity forever.  Only a select few ever have.   Is there anything more important than that?

This Biased Universe

Like every kid my age at the time, I grew up playing with action figures.  He-Man, Transformers, X-Men all ruled my world back then.  I remember spending hours in the basement, finding new ways to torture the "evil doers" for causing my Hero agony, and in general, leaning towards the dark side.  In every good hero story, there is a triumph over good vs. evil, and I learned this at a very early age.  Evil tries everything it can to win, but in the end, envitably suffers defeat.

Photo By Kyle McCulloch

If you asked the average person, "Does the Universe mostly help you, or mostly hurt you?" What do you think they would say?

There would be a ton of people that would conclude the Universe is great, and wants to see them succeed.  Others may view life more pessimistically, concluding that the Universe is actually out to get them, impeding their path to success.  Still, another section of the population might conclude that the Universe is indifferent.  That it has no view, or bias, that it is simply "balanced".

I've come to the conclusion that the world has a positivity bias of some sort, yet I have no idea where it stems from.  It surely doesn't make scientific sense, or at least I can't prove it.  To keep balance, the world actually needs to lean slightly toward optimistic values, in order to function properly.  My guess is an even balance of good and evil, would actually result in chaos.

Good needs an edge because it's not always easy.  It's not always sexy.  It doesn't always feel great, doing the "right thing".  There has to be a slight bias, or we'd all just chose the easy route.  If you had no bias, would you care if you threw a piece of garbage out the window?  Or help an old lady across the street?  Instead of a "conscience" you'd be indifferent, unable to really determine, right from wrong, or good from bad.

That's why I think there has to be a optimistic bias.  Instead of Yin and Yang, think Yin plus, and Yang minus.  This is why optimism feels good, and pessimism doesn't.  It's the reason, people have are innately great in disasters, bonding, and coming to the aid of their fellow man in crisis.  Surviving sometimes, against incredible odds.   It explains, our thirst to not only do the status quo well, but exceed it.

Photo By Kyle McCulloch

Good can't win over evil all the time, but it wins slightly more, and in more ways.  As they say in the Casino business, good has an "Edge".  Good gets to have the odds slightly in it's favour.  You are welcome to play from the other side, but understand, that you are going "against the house", and being risky.  I like that.  If you play against the odds, stepping on people to success, living too fast, being selfish, stealing, it should be risky.  It should come with consequences.  That keeps people in check.

Just like the Casino, when you make bets, not in your favour, but win in the short-term, you fool yourself into believing that it can last forever.  Pushing your bets even further, until one day you realize that you were never winning at all.  There may have been momentary "wins", but in the end, the odds were never once in your favour.  You may believe there is a path to success, playing from the "dark" side, yet it is an illusion.  The chances were never in your favour.  When you achieve what you thought to be success, what you thought to be "winning", it actually wasn't.  That "win" never gave you the feeling you were looking for.

These folks that take the easy route, will never own the Casino. In the end, the Casino will own them.

Action Builds Confidence

We highlighted some of Norman Vincent Peale's work in "The Power Of Positive Thinking".  Please go back and read that entry if you haven't yet, as it will have relevant information discuss in this blog post.  I'd like to share with you, one of my favorite, Norman Vincent Peale Quotes:

"Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all."  - Norman Vincent Peale

Photo by graur razvan ionut

Not only is Mr. Peale saying that you shouldn't procrastinate, he saying that procrastination is causing your fears.  The world progresses with, or without you.  Time is passing, and each day you are getting older.  Procrastinating, or hiding from life, cannot be done without repercussions.

Don't we all know this feeling?  You procrastinate, and the list of things you feel you need to do, grows.  A feeling of uneasiness follows, that you really don't understand.  That is a form of fear. 

Confidence speaks in the positive, while fear speaks in the negative.  When you are riding high, you'll use words like can, will, and could.  When you're fearful, you'll use words like can't, don't, shouldn't or couldn't. 

Picture from Lunch

When you are on top of your life, life feels easier, and it is.  You can focus all your energy on each new problem that comes up.  You'll feel unencumbered, rather than weighed down, by your list of things to do, or problems in life that you haven't dealt with.  Problems are minimized by confidence, rather than magnified by fear.

Staying on top of life is very important, and feels really good.  The next time you feel bogged down by life, write a list of all the things that you "need" to do, or fix.  Then just start doing them.  Complete a task, and scratch it off.  You will find a weight coming off your shoulders as you do.   That action, will build confidence just like Mr. Peale said it would.  Having that real confidence, will allow you to stay objective when a new problem does arise.

Let's Make This A Threesome

Every relationship you've ever had, has been a threesome.  You may have never noticed, but there are three parties in every relationship.  There's you, and what you need.  There's them, and what they need.  Then there's the relationship, which has it's very own needs. 

You must take care of all three parties for your relationship to flourish, and failing relationships always included one of three parties being neglected, or neglectful.  Let me show you why this must be true. 

We'll call a man or woman who's has too much self interest, a "Hawk".  Hawks are mainly concerned with how their relationship, helps themselves.  They always come first in their relationship.  Hawks certainly don't have confidence problems, but sometimes it leans more towards arogance.  They aren't at the mercy of their relationship, and can rebound easily from a breakup, but also can never truly give themselves to their partner.  Hawks can easily miss their perfect lover for many reasons.

A Slug is the opposite of a Hawk.  They are loyal to a fault.  They enter a relationship as themselves, only to transform into playdough once it's starts.  You can mold them into anything you want.  All a Slug wants, is to become exactly what you want them to be.  They are willing to sacrifice their own personal advancement, for the other person involved, and the relationship itself.  It can take a Slug a long time to recover from a realtionship, because they were "only trying to be everything" for the other person.  How could that person not want them?   Confidence, and personal improvement, are very attractive qualities to all people, but Slugs have none to offer. They mean well, but in the end, nobody wants a slug, because they have no backbone.

If it was just as simple as having two, healthy, happy, intelligent people, relationships would be much easier.  The third party, the relationship, has expectations also.  We'll call the relationship, The Judge.

The Judge has needs.  Judge's hate to be ignored, and expect time to be expended on them.  Judge's are going to progress forward, whether you like it or not.  They assume you will communicate in order to keep up with the brisk pace they set. Judges don't care if you can't keep up however, and will leave you in the dust.  When The Judge's needs are being met, they will remain almost invisable.  It's only when the Judge feels they are being ignored, do they come to the forefront, and make themselves a focus. 

You need to take traits from both Hawks and Slugs, and learn from both of them.  Like a Hawk, put yourself first in the relationship.  This just means, making sure you are currently happy, and exploring needs that stimulate you.  Make sure you are always advancing personally in your own life.  This will give you a natural, sexy confidence, and allow to move on easier, if the relationship were to end.

Give yourself fully to the other person, like a Slug would.  You can still advance your own life, and be there for the other person, but you just can't be there all the time, every time.  It's okay to be reliable, or think your significant other walks on water, but you need to stay balanced.  Give everything you can to them, but not an ounce more. 

Always keep The Judge in the back of your mind.  If you are doing great, and your partner is too, that doesn't mean the Judge's needs are being met.  That's why you can find yourself advancing, your partner advancing, but the relationship fails.  Like I said above The Judge expects you to expend time on them, and keep up to the pace they set. The Judge will forceably move your relationship forward, whether you like it, or not. 

Relationships are very difficult.  One person being too self-centered, and it fails.  One person being too submissive, and it fails.  One person not understanding that relationships have needs, and it fails. 

Taking care of yourself first is always the first step to a healthy relationship.  This will ensure you are at your best for your partner.  You can look back on a failed relationship, and truly feel confident, you did as much as you could have, rather than looking back with regret.  It's perfectly okay to say,  "I love my partner, but if they were to leave me, I'd be just fine."  This changes you from "needing" the relationship, to "wanting" it.

I want me, and my partner, to be negotiating our relationship from this position of power.  I want both of us, to be fine without the other.  I expect us both to be constantly growing, and changing, to keep ahead of the inertia every relationship has.

Most heartbreak is magnified by people not progressing themselves.   Regardless, it hurts to lose someone you love.  It hurts much less however, and for less time, when you are growing, and living the best you can. 

Are you, your partner, and your relationship growing together?

The Race Disgrace

I'm stumped as to why the human race has had so much racial in-fighting, throughout their history.   It appears obvious to me at this point, that every single race is merely, a product of their environment, with some help from evolution along the way.  Are humans just naturally fearful of anything different?

We are all humans in the end.  You look, and act, the way you do, because of where your ancestors came from.  It's not a coincidence that people from the extreme heat of India, have darker skin, or that Russians are more pale by comparison.  As you move towards the equator, skin tone darkens to protect the person who has to endure the environment.  This happens over hundreds of generations, and to me, that adaptability is a beautiful thing. It something to be cherished, not ridiculed.

The way humans have viewed racial differences over the years, is disgraceful, all things considered.  The good news is I feel we are headed in the right direction.  The invention of the internet, has made this world infinitely smaller.  People from all over the world will read this text, in many different languages.  There is no doubt this generation will be exposed to more cultures in their life time, than any ones to come before them.  Forty years from now, if you're still around, I guarantee, you personally, will have friends you talk to in countries you would never imagine.  The world is shrinking every single day.

Imagine back even 100 years ago, how many different races would you meet in your lifetime?  10?  5? The number today is probably in the hundreds.  It forces you to judge people based on "the content of their character".  Or at least it should.  It's much easier to say, "I hate (insert any race here)" when they aren't coming to your porch with spongecake, looking normal, and actually seem really nice.  We all have to work at multiculturalism, and as we do, it will become easier, and easier.  

It's very rarely I suggest you believe in anything.  Look back in my posts, I'm not trying to tell you how to think.  I'm just simply want you to question everything.  Personally in my own life, you either align with some simple core beliefs I have, or you can hit the road.  There is a big difference between imposing your beliefs on someone, and leading by example.

You must stand stand for peace.  When I close my eyes at night, I'm proud of this world, but my vision for this earth, is much more beautiful.  Things like happiness, and love, do not thrive in a war-torn environment.  It's impossible to create a stable environment for all, when buildings are being destroyed, and people are dying.  That brings out feelings like sadness, regret, and anger.  The exact opposite of what we are trying to accomplish.  If your beliefs cause anarchy, your beliefs are foolish.  You cannot make peace with war.

You must live, and let live.  This can be difficult because humans are so naturally judgemental.  It very hard to be open minded, but always give people the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe you believe all people under the age of 18 are dumb, and have nothing really valuable to say.  The real truth is maybe most youth can't impress you, but they'll be a few that blow you away.  A more extreme example...  You see any 50 year old man, out with a 25 year old girl, being cuddly.  You can't call him a pervert.  You can't assume she's a hooker.  You can't be grossed out by it.  You can't even think it's wrong.  The fact is, there's a chance, maybe you would consider it small, but a chance exists nonetheless, that these two are completely happy.  They might love each other to death.  They could go home, have so much in common, and have the best sex ever.  She could be from a great home, and just really likes some of his qualities.  He could be attracted to her other reasons than her appearance, maybe she's very intelligent, and ahead of her time.   Maybe the situation caught them both off guard, but they are both very happy.  If all those things were true, would it change your opinion?  The truth is your opinion doesn't matter here.  If all those things are true, then those people are doing nothing but being themselves.  Going with their hearts.  Spreading, dare I say it, love.  It can't be wrong.

Mind you this is just one extreme example, but I'm guilty of this all the time as well, in many areas of my life.  I'm in the habit now of correcting myself, or challenging my thinking, and you should to, at least until you have all the facts.  To jump to any conclusion, without proper knowledge of the peoples character is a mistake, and just because a mistake is common, does not make it acceptable.  

You need to be concerned with the next generation.  We need to live with concern for the future.  A successful generation should be measured by how empowered the younger generations are, and what state the humanity is in, when your generation is gone.  As you progress through these stages of life, make sure you are helping the best way you can to improve the world overall.  See you can either be a part of the problem, or part of the solution.  You can't be both.  You are either a net positive to this planet, or a net negative.  Simply living your life with an open mind, happily, free of bigotry is enough, you don't need to teach a kid math, or anything like that.  There's a saying we all know, "What goes around, comes around", meaning what you put out, you'll get back.  I like to expand that over all of us collectively.  What we all put out, we get back.

Everything you do, everything you think, has consequences.  Consequences that quite possibly could echo through time, long after you are gone.  It is disgraceful how collectively, we stereotype each other.  To prejudge anyone based on their race, sex, age, or appearance is an absolute travesty.  It limits you.  It limits us.  You create racism, sexism, ageism by prejudging people. Your prejudgement, and closed mindedness will affect you too.  It might stop you from seeing that area of the world, you'd actually love, or cause you to miss a key piece of advice in your own life.  The impact could be huge.

You may have met 10 people in a row of a certain race, that are complete jerks, and you should patiently waiting, for just one to prove you wrong.  You do this not because you are foolish.  You do it, because you understand that in the end we are all humans.  All races have jerks.  All races have people you would absolutely love to be around.  Maybe the gift to the future, from this generation, could be true multiculturalism.  If you think relatively, we are still at the forefront of advancement in this area, and have a lot of room for improvement.  Our actions today, will have an impact on how society works together going forward.  The first step is actually pretty easy, we all just need to stop being so damn judgemental.

The Fall of the Immortal

Sometimes people can be so blinded by a seemingly good idea, that they'll fail to see the apparent downside in it.  This is magnified when emotions are involved.  For every action, a reaction.  For every cause, an effect.  Changing something even for the positive, will have some form of negative effect.  These can range from obvious to nearly impossible to see.  It certainly doesn't mean that the idea is not sound, or that it shouldn't be done immediately, but failing to see any inherent downside, is a gross mistake.

Maybe you live in an area where using a cell phone, while driving, is banned.  I do.  There's a number of reasons I dislike the law, but I'll save for another blog someday.  The idea is what's important.

I fully support the notion that people should be concentrating while driving a 3000 pound hunk of metal, at speeds nearing 100 miles/hr.  That's just good safety.  However, you have to consider the negative effects just as greatly.

The downsides are usually more difficult to anticipate.  Driving and talking, allows you to fit in those dialogues for both business, and personal, turning a meaningless task, into something productive. In a grander scale it could impact economic activity, and economies.   It also gives law enforcement an impossible to argue, justification, for a pulling a civilian over, "I thought I saw him talking on their cellphone", infringing on your rights.  Is it possible that people pulling over to answer their phones, could cause the same amount, if not more accidents?

I like to poke holes in arguments, it's what I do.  I dig down deep, to see what's inside.

Do we protect a relatively slight few from doing this certain activity, or allow everyone to fend for themselves, and take our chances?  Notice how now a seemingly good idea, is now almost equally weighted?

We have to make sure that the scales are tipped in one direction.  We have to be certain of it.

Take Immortality for example.  I love the idea of Immortality.  I'd love to be running around in a toga, invulnerable, shooting lightning bolts, until the end of time, wouldn't you?  You could see and do, everything you ever wanted.  You could live to the end of time, if there was one.

Well, not so fast.  If everyone was Immortal, this planet would be over-run with Immortals in no time.  We'd have people who would have opinions formulated thousands of years ago.  Think of how stubborn they'd be.  Try to get them to use a computer.  Think about the perspective of the oldest, angriest, old cook you've ever met, but 40,000 years more grumpy.

If you were the only Immortal, you be the star of the show...  All the time.  Everyone, would idolize you endlessly.  No doubt you would be a god on earth, with unlimited power, and riches.   Humans, animals, and weather would be your only things to play with.  As you got older, and smarter, humanity would seem infinitely more ignorant.   You'd probably start to feel empty inside, and bored with life.  However, the end would never come.  Still sound like fun?

I mentioned in "We are All-Stars" that change is essential to the excitement in life.  "The Power of Positive Thinking" told us that we might just be able to impact our future, with our minds.

Ideas are difficult things.  Sometimes, a burst of excitement, or passion, can spark us in one direction or another.  I always want you to consider the cause, and effect, of everything.  Especially things, that seem completely one sided, and obvious.  This alone can widen your perspective.  It can be very difficult to put yourself in the shoes of someone you greatly dislike, but sometimes that perspective changes your actions, and therefore the direction of your life.

There's an old saying, "There's two sides to every argument."  In my experience, a strong, and a weak one.  Each time this situation arises in your life, I want to look at it objectively from the negative side, as well as the positive.   I like to argue the other party's perspective to myself, to see if I can poke holes in my own opinion, and stay unbiased.  You need to consider opinions from all angles, and don't make a move until your sure the scales have tipped in one direction.

We Are All Stars

One of the my favourite things about living on this planet, is how we all have fundamental ideas about our existence, we still don't understand.  Imagine, if we had reached the point, where we had all the answers, knew what our purpose was, and knew why we were here.  Predictability, leads to chore, and the mundane. It's the randomness that leads to excitement.

None of us know why we are here.  Stephen Hawking doesn't know what my purpose in life is, or whether there is one at all.  The greatest astronomers think they know how the earth was created, but nobody can claim to know why.

The inpredictability of the unknown is what keeps us growing, and changing all the time.  We live as if each one of us is very important, and collectively we are the most important species that has ever existed. The ironic part, is nobody knows why we are here, or if we have any collective purpose at all.  Maybe we do have a collective purpose, just none of us understand what it is.

I'm not sure about any of it to be honest, so don't continue on reading, like there's going to be some great prophecy listed below.  There isn't.  I'm not sold on the fact that humans have any more of an important role, in progressing life, than the standard house fly does.  Won't the world just keep evolving, eventually with us ending up in some form of extinction?  Are we really the one species, that is more important than all the rest?

My rational mind says that we are just a cog in earth's engine.  A mere stepping stone, to another, even more advanced form of intelligence.  The real question is whether humanity by themselves, or all the species of this planet, and all future species, have any collective goal.  Are humans the key to unlocking the stars?  Are we meant to ever see what's out there, past our own galaxy?

I can make a decent case to suggest humans are special.  Unless I'm missing something, we are the first species to sit atop the food chain, using only our wits, and technology.  It's taken thousands of years, but it is difficult to imagine a future, where humans aren't on top.  I can't envision anything short of global disaster removing us from our perch now. 

You have to marvel at the incredible intelligence of humans, in groups, or as individuals. The technological advances we have made really are astounding when you think about it.  You don't see monkeys, and dolphins, building satellites, and spaceships.  We've broken into space, and returned humans back to earth, something I'm sure most assumed, impossible, just a hundred years ago.

The quest to discover life outside our planet, will either be the most important thing we do as a species, or a complete waste of time, depending on the outcome.  You see, we are either designed to explore and discover, or there was never a reason to.  It appears impossible at this point, to ever make it close to the next closest galaxy.  To put this in better perspective the moon, is 400,000 km's away.  The Sun is 150 million km's away from earth, or over 300 times as far as the moon.  The next galaxy, is 4 light years away, which is roughly 40 trillion km's, or 3200 times as far as the sun. 

Photo by nuttakit

Unless we have a break through in manipulating time, and space, it appears, we were never meant to ever explore the next closest galaxy.  We may never have a man on another planet, but Mars appears possible at this point.  Space is vast, has zero oxygen, and little sunlight.  Not exactly the ecosystem for humans to thrive.  Isn't this all just a sightseeing tour, unless we have some purpose to explore further?  Supposedly we are looking for other intelligent life.  Even if we find it, so what?  That doesn't really show a collective purpose, or help any of us know if there is a reason we exist.

Let's flip it around, and look at it from the other perspective.  Maybe we have no importance at all.  It's probably more likely that our existence has zero grandiose purpose, even over the long term.  Humans run from this type of thinking, because nobody wants to believe that this is it.  It's much easier to believe in either reincarnation, aliens, or some form of after life, rather than a complete end to your own existence, and someday, the end of existence for all Humans.

When I see humans, believing in something, that science can't prove, or where no visual evidence exists, I assume it's something they have created consciously, or subconsciously, to aid their physche.  I'll talk more about this in a future blog, but I believe it has roots in this topic.  That doesn't mean I'm right, or that I don't hold beliefs of my own in which I can't prove through science, but you can bet, I challenge each and every one of them.  You should too.

I could think about the universe, and research it, for the rest of my life, and I'll never have the answer to my fundamental questions about why the universe is, the way it is.  If we had these answers, I see it only affecting our lives in a negative way.  The unknown creates our daily excitement, and the multitude of answers to these fundamental questions, create unique people, with unique perspectives.  Never let anyone tell you that your version is the wrong one, because no one will ever have the answer.  At the same time, if you ever want to have a shot at some real answers, you better make sure the things you currently believe, aren't just crutches, you've designed to protect you from coming to grips with your own mortality, or a general lack of purpose.

The Contemporary Dating Game

If you are a Man, born after 1970, and have had even minor success dating women, I want you to reach your hand up over your head, and give yourself a pat on the back.  From a male perspective, the dating game of today, is the hardest it has been since the dawn of humanity.  There has never been a harder time in history to attain, and keep a mate.

Think about it for a second.  It wasn't until about 150 years ago a women voicing for equality, even began to be heard.   Before that, as unfair as it was, Women were essentially the property of the man who provided for them.  For the most part their needs were basic.  They needed protection, food, shelter, and probably in 4th place, love. 

Photo by DigitalArt

Woman were used to being provided for, and Men were used to doing the providing.  Fast forward to today, and things have completely changed, and for the better I might add.  These changes however, have not made the dating game easier for Men, but harder by an order of magnitude.

A whole new host of outside factors have been added to a Women quest for a mate, but those factors I'll call mental factors.  These are factors that through the social changes of society, woman have added to their list of things they want in a mate. 

These mental factors, are decided, not innate.  Shelter, protection, love etc, those are things women need innately. Things like prestige, money, job quality, appearance, are now being factored in a woman's decision when choosing a mate.  To me these new external factors, are ruining a Woman's ability to choose the right mate for them.

The right mate, is always the one that makes you the most happy day in and day out.  They give you love without holding back.  They listen.  They are strong when you need them to be.  They cheer you up when you are down.  You can trust, and rely on them.  You are enamored with them.

Those are the traits that all Women want in a Man, whether they know it or not.  Not only that, if a woman chooses their mate based on mental factors, rather than their innate ones, the relationship will fail eventually, guaranteed.  The very act of choosing your partner based on these mental factors, rather than what you feel innately is what I call, "building a house on sand".  I've seen many of these relationships in my life, many of them appear to be successful, but they were born by a either party selecting their mate by their own criteria, rather than allowing thousands of years of history to guide them.

I've seen these types of relationships a thousand times in my life.  An example would be the overly attractive female, with the pushover boyfriend.  He chose her because she was gorgeous, and he wanted prestige.  She chose him because he had money, or a car, or she could control him.  Clearly a relationship that should've been aborted right from the get go.  Humans are amazing at fooling themselves though, as well as staying with the status quo.  People try to turn these types of arrangments, into relationships, with devastating consequences.

Photo by DigitalArt

The house these people build, can be beautiful.  Their two wonderful children can be the windows.  Their matching Mercedes' can be the doors.  Their successful business can be the beautful landscaping.  The whole house they are constructing however, is built on sand.  Their relationship was born for the wrong reasons, meaning nothing they accomplish, or do, going forward will matter.  The very foundation the relationship was built on in the first place, is rotten, and no amount of renovating will fix that.

In my single days, I would read many online profiles.  Many would want specific things, like tall, attractive, non-smoker, good job, no drugs, must love dogs etc.  I always kind of chuckle to myself when I read these criteria, knowing that if any of these women met a short, broke, ugly, smoker, who hated animals, and he actually knew how to take care of a Woman, they would fall head over heels for him, and throw all those bullshit mental factors, right out the window.

Women all want the same thing, though with all the terrible decision making, it's really hard to tell.  Women want to be in love.  Not the bogus love, born out of circumstance, and mental factors, the real, "fuck me right now before I explode" type love.  This type of love can be given by anyone, to anyone, who has a clear, clean perspective, good morals, and an understanding of what it takes to please the other person.  It does not take into account, appearance, money, status etc. 

You are allowed to be confused in this dating game.  You'll find two types of Women out there these days.  Women who are completely in touch with what their real needs are, and know what kind of a man that can provide it, and others who are misguided, selecting mates based on mental factors, which really have no bearing on what's important to their overall happiness.  The simple female needs, are being drowned out, by these mental factors, and it's confusing the game for everyone.

Make sure you don't build your house on sand.

Seniority Is A Myth

I'm not sure where some of these ideas are born, but sometimes human beings have expectations that are completely unreasonable.  Seniority is a myth, and it's one that most people believe wholeheartedly. 

Let's make it clear just what seniority is, seniority is the idea that the duration you have worked for a certain company, has some effect on your standing with such a company, offering you some form of protection above other employees, who don't have seniority.

When I began my quest to learn about the stock market, it solidified for me, the true difference between business and personal.  People don't get the difference.  They think they do, until a situation arises where something is happening to them in a business sense, yet they take it personally.

Let's make something clear.  Business is in business only to make money.  All other reasons to be in a business come after making money.  "But Bangin', I know good businesses..  I've seen them donate to charity.  I've seen others focus solely on using products that don't harm the environment."  I'm sorry, but you have been duped.  They donated to charity, or chose to be environmental, in order to hook you into doing business with them. 

Businesses are not supposed to have morals, and you shouldn't expect them to.  They shouldn't be immoral either.  They should be considered amoral, and all good businesses are.

Why am I blabbing about the difference between business and personal?  The best examples of this failing, are hidden amongst seniority.  I can look at the employee-employer relationship from both sides, without bias.  Which is really difficult because everyone understands taking something personally, and not everyone understands business.

When you first negotiated a wage for your first job, did you also inform the employer that you expected to be employed for the next 50 years?  Did you make sure they were aware that as you got older, and your job skills declined, that they were expected to keep you on regardless?

What most likely happened, is they offered you a wage per hour, and you accepted it.  From there, you would go to work, and they would pay you for each hour on the job.  Basically the moment you get your cheque you are up to date with them, and the employer owes you nothing.

No where is duration of employment ever discussed.  So where does this odd expectation come from?  I can't say for sure completely, but back in the 50's and 60's things kind of were this way.  You would, and could, work your whole work life at one employer.  There was an expectation that all university grads would be guaranteed careers.  Times have changed since then.

I'm here to tell you drop the whole entitlement thing when it comes to your job, and make sure you always have some kind of contingency plan.  Leaning on seniority to keep you safe in this workplace environment is a fool's game. 

You might hear a long time employee, recently fired, say something like, "You can't fire me, I've worked here for 30 years."  The employer could easily fire back, "Yes you have, but I've also paid you for those 30 years."

Hyphenated Names Make No Sense

We really need to just stop this.  This utter madness.  I'm mad about hyphenated names.  I'm not certain when the first hypenated last name occured, but my guess is sometime around the 80's, probably coinciding with the female revolution, that was taking major steps forward in terms of a woman's equality.

It makes sense that hyphenating a name was a female born idea.  For years, and years, woman mostly would take the mans last name, or just keep their own.  Both ideas I think are great.  With keeping their own name, an issue comes up as to what name the kids will have.  Putting a hyphen in between both names, while seemingly a decent idea, is a slapstick solution, that I dislike for many reasons. 

First of all, your last name has heritage.  More than likely, it has been passed down through a couple hundred years, if not more.  Make no mistake that heritage dies when you hypenate your last names.  You, or your kids, are no longer a Smith, or a Jones, you are a Smith-Jones a brand new name, with a brand new heritage.  A direct result of this new name, is the death of your previous one.  You are in a sense, killing a historic name, to create a new one altogether. 

Secondly, what are you kids going to do when they want to marry someone, and they have a hyphenated name also.  The reason you've chosen to keep both names, is because you couldn't decide on one or the other, they were equally important in your eyes, and now what are you going to do?  When a Smith-Jones marries a Wayne-Cruise what are they to do?  Add them all together and be the Smith-Jones-Wayne-Cruise's?  Drop a name or two, but which ones, as you can't single out one family over another?  Your putting a really tough decision on the kid potentially.

Thirdly, is how your name writes, sounds, and is entered in data form.  I have customers all the time come in, I say what is your name, they say Wayne Peters.  I look for their file under Peters, but it's not there.  Why not?  Because their name is acutally Wayne-Peters, and they have just given their last name.  Obviously in terms of data entry it's a longer name to enter.  Every time your child signs something, probably 10,000 times in their life or more, they have to write that extra name.  A lot of programs also don't like hyphens, and won't even let you enter them.

Any solution you can think of works better.  Keep your own name.  Make up a brand new one that combines the two.  All I'm asking is just pick one or the other, or make up something new.  Putting a dash in between two names, is not a solution that will work long term, without having some annoying effects.